Probably my favorite 50 Shades reading ever…

I give you Lord Tywin Lannister of Casterly Rock.

(Source: mrsclarkgable)

The Dead Horse:

There, they’re, their, its, it’s, your, you’re. How do people still get these wrong?

The Parrot:

"For all intensive purposes", which has only been either seen or heard and not actually understood, because it is unlikely anyone using this could describe what an "intensive purpose" is. Of course, it’s "for all intents and purposes".

The So Grammatically Correct It’s Actually Wrong:

"They gave the money to Bob and I", or "That’s a secret between he and I." Since the pronouns follow prepositions, they need to be object pronouns and not subject pronouns. You wouldn’t say "They gave the money to I", so why would you say "They gave the money to Bob and I"? Of course, it’s "They gave the money to Bob and me" and "That’s a secret between him and me." The word "me" ain’t like "ain’t" - it’s not a colloquialism. Don’t be afraid to use it.

The Made Up Rule:

There is no rule in English saying you can’t end a sentence with a preposition, and in most situations it creates a tortured sentence structure to try to avoid it. If anyone argues the point with you, you can point them to the numerous grammar experts who say it’s fine. The only reason they recommend against it is to avoid having arguments with people who incorrectly believe this imaginary rule.

The Recent But Annoying:

Can people please learn the difference between “lose” and “loose”? This isn’t really that hard! When you don’t win a game, you “lose” it, not “loose” it. When you go from having something to not having something, you “lose” it”. When you make something less tight, you “loose” it. When you unleash something, you “loose” it. Someone who is not a winner is not a “looser”, they are a “loser”.

The Hilarious:

I actually saw somebody in an e-mail spell “various” as “very us”. No joke.


OK, so it’s come to my attention that  Silent House  got a CinemaScore rating of F, which apparently is a very rare dishonor that only like 8 movies have ever achieved. One of the others to have earned this dubious distinction is The Devil Inside. I wholeheartedly agree with the rating for both of those movies.

But here’s the thing: I’ve been seeing critics trying to explain the F rating for Silent House when so many of them thought the movie was all right by looking at the ending, which admittedly did suck. Now, for The Devil Inside, it was 100% the ending that was awful. I wouldn’t claim that The Devil Inside was a great movie otherwise, but it at least took you along for the ride before stopping two-thirds of the way through the movie and saying “screw you - we’ll be back with the rest of this movie next year”.

Silent House was special, because it sucked all the way through. The whole damn thing was horrible. For the first 45 minutes of the movie, the main character is in utter terror for no reason whatsoever. If you’re the kind of person who hides under a table when the ice maker in your refrigerator makes some noise, you might find this believable and scary. I found it ridiculous, and not even in a funny way. It was eye-rollingly bad.

The film uses what is generously called the “motion sickness camera” that some people find creative. It isn’t creative. It’s a dumb technique that involves a lot of shaky camera work and very close-up shots for the sole purpose of not letting you see what’s actually going on. That’s not pushing boundaries. It’s lazy, cheap, and annoying to watch.

But this movie has to do this, because otherwise you would realize that no one is chasing her. As you find out, it’s all in her head. But until the end when you find this out, you’re constantly taken out of the experience as you realize that after she finds all the doors locked and windows boarded up, it doesn’t matter because whoever just slammed a door two feet away from her isn’t actually following her. There’s no explanation for why they don’t. They just don’t.

There’s also an entire pointless character in the movie, the friend the girl doesn’t remember, who it turns out isn’t real anyway and has no real role in the movie.

I could go on, but the ending has been covered well enough. Suffice it to say that it is far more than the ending that sucks about this movie. It’s bad from beginning to end. At no point was I ever interested in anything that was happening here, and it’s not because I dislike scary movies. It just never sold me on what it was trying to do.

Now, the Lorax was actually pretty fun. Go see that. Stay the hell away from this piece of crap.





Merry Christmas one and all



BRIGHTLY SHONE THE MOON…THAT… NIGHT…. Penny for the song, govenor?

Pee-ter! Do not stop turning that spit!

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Dug is awesome!

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I have noticed a most frustrating thing when I am forced to take training for work: a staggering number of people don’t know how to operate in a classroom. That is to say they make the in-class exercises much, much harder than they are supposed to be. It’s ironic. People take these things ridiculously seriously, and they’re a complete waste of time. But it’s kind of the opposite in real school where people aren’t really wasting their time, but more people just kind of goof off.

For example, if there are 5 slots to put in answers, there will invariably be someone who insists there should be 6 answers. Now, if this were just some homework assignment that only affected them, I wouldn’t care. But no. This is something where the instructor feels compelled to humor this person and gently explain to them why their answer is wrong. It usually starts with a very ambivalent “Ok. That’s one way to answer it. Does anyone else have any ideas?”

This stuff takes time. That is, it makes the class last longer. Or it intrudes upon lunch time. That isn’t cool.

And there’s no getting through to these people. I have even explicitly invoked what I call the Rule of the Classroom. This rule says that if there are 5 slots to put answers in, there are only five answers. And I am often ignored, only to be proven right when the instructor goes over the answers. I suppose I should say “I told you so”, but that would probably be seen as rude.

And I guess there’s another part to the Rule of the Classroom. If the prerequisites for a class don’t mention that you need to know how to perform brain surgery, and you think you need to bring in your obscure knowledge about brain surgery to answer a question instead of using the information that is presented right there in the book, you are probably doing it wrong.

Good grief.

I recently said the word “surgery”, completely in context, and I felt a compelling need to say “surgery” again after a brief pause!